Over the last seventeen years of my practice, I have had the honour to work with many people who are facing life threatening illnesses as well as those who are at the end of their life – either through illness or old age. Sometimes seeing them in my clinic, and then at home or in a hospice when they cannot get to me.
Through Energy Healing, Reflexology or The Metamorphic Technique I help to support people as they move through the physical sensations of the body slowly starting to shut down, listening to their natural questions about it all, holding space and bringing comfort emotionally and spiritually, which also helps supports loved ones who are caring/being with their relative or friends through the process.
I feel a sense of being deeply honoured that people choose to receive sessions from me at this time. And though, perhaps you feel it might be a sobering experience (at times it truly is) it is also punctuated with times of laughter and beautifully insightful, thought provoking conversations.
Some years ago I had a call from a client I had not seen for a while. She and her mother had both received sessions from me in the past. She told me her mother was asking for me, she was in a hospice and wanted some spiritual advice. I agreed to visit but was at a loss to consider what advice I could possibly give, but I fondly remembered this woman and her kindly, generous nature. I resolved to go and listen and offer what I could.
When I arrived, she seemed agitated, she was urgently trying to organise her will. After a while we were left alone, she looked me in the eyes and the first thing she said was
‘Felicity, I am dying. My daughters don’t seem to know this. I am so worried for them. I will not see them get married or have children of their own’.
I knew that platitudes of any kind were useless here. She was speaking the truth, she was dying, and soon, I could sense it too. We spoke for a while about her worries and mostly I just listened and encouraged her to share her feelings. We were both tearful at times.
After a while she started to talk about her fears. She asked me what is there after death? And I felt unsure what to say. I asked what her religious beliefs were and we talked about that for a while but she told me she hadn’t found solace in that lately, she wanted to know what I thought?
As gently and as honestly as I could I shared that I simply did not know either, but I spoke to her about some reading I had been doing at that time. Reading about people’s near death experiences and what people had reported experiencing at the time their loved ones died, or shortly after.
I shared with her that all these stories, from real people, helped me to believe that there is some kind of life after death. We had a deep discussion about it for some time.
We agreed I would do some gentle touch work on her feet and hands, as I started working on her feet, she relaxed with her eyes closed. After a while she asked me to place a hand on her stomach, I trusted her inner wisdom and moved my hand to where she told me to place it. For some time we were just there, breathing together, she closed her eyes and a sense of spaciousness filled the room, a sense of calm.
I was aware of the view from the window, the wind blowing through the tree branches in the park. Time just stood still. And I realised that, more than anything, more than words and techniques or practices, the best gift I could give right in that moment was to be fully present. My thoughts did not wander, my breath was steady and I was just ‘with’ her.
I had been with her around an hour when we had a tender goodbye, she seemed peaceful and calm. She died early the next morning and I went to her funeral a few weeks later; to honour her, her family and the gift of the time she had given me. The gift, I recognised, was in the profound impact our conversation and session together had on me. I felt so incredibly honoured that she had spent some of her final precious time with me and as a result I was inspired to train as a Soul Midwife to deepen my knowledge of how to support someone at the end of their life.
I did that training in 2016 and the gift continued as I was able to hold vigil for my own mother, who unexpectedly died in 2017. Though heartbreaking, I was so grateful to be able to create as peaceful and as healing a space as possible in the ICU throughout the night and at the time of her transition. On reflection, I was once again in that timeless place, fully present as I spoke to her, sang to her and gently stroked her head or massaged her hands and feet.
Looking back, though it came naturally to do all those things for my mother (my expressions of love for her), I found I had my life/work experience and the soul midwife training to lean into and help me feel comfortable to hold space in this way (also being present to all I was feeling emotionally too). I was also able to encourage my family members that it was ok to do the same, ok to talk to her, ok to touch her, to sing to her and ok to cry and express our sadness together.
As I navigated through my own grief at that time, I became more and more aware how difficult we all seem to find it to talk about death and dying. And, how unprepared people can feel when suddenly, or even when it is expected, they find themselves with their loved one at the end of their lives. Sometimes we get months (or even years) to say our goodbyes and have to face the challenges of witnessing our loved one going through pain and discomfort. Other times, it is sudden and comes as a huge shock.
If you are with your loved one at the end of their life I want to share with you that it is ok to talk to them, I believe they can hear us. And, though you might feel afraid to, it is ok to touch them, sing to them, cry with them, pour out your heart and soul to them. It is also ok if all you feel able to do is just to be there, to sit quietly.
I also invite each of us to contemplate death sometimes, and to talk about it – it can help so much for our loved ones to know what is important to us and what we might want to happen if we unexpectedly became unwell. I also want to share that it’s ok – ok to talk about it, ok to cry about it and even to laugh about it; to stay open to all we feel around death and dying.
It has only been in recent months that I have become aware of more of a calling to bring this aspect of my work forward and talk more about it. There is now a page on my website with more information about it. If you, or a loved one, feel called to work with me to prepare for and support you through the dying process I am ready to receive you with an open heart and a genuine dedication to hold space for you.